...Or Die Trying/Transcript
[opens with the green screen with the message for movies showing "THE FOLLOWING '''PREVIEW '''HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR '''ALL AUDIENCES '''BY THE NATIONAL MOVIE ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA; the screen fades black and returns to see the skyline of Los Angeles; fades black and shows "IT WAS A PERFECT DAY" Announcer: ''dramatically It was a perfect day... ''shows a woman and her daughter walking to the LAX Daughter: 'I love you, mommy. ''"IT WAS A PERFECT PLAN" 'Announcer: '''It was a perfect plan. ''a nuclear power plant station '''Terrorist #1: another terrorist This is our target, The Nuclear Power Plant. computer demonstrating the terrorists' plan of how a plane hits the Power Plant ''If we capture the plan at precisely the right moment, they will not have time to shut down the aircraft. ''"FOR A PERFECT ATTACK" Announcer: 'For a perfect attack. ''Pentagon 'Congress Man #1: '''If they hit that power plant with the aircraft, the casualties can lead to hundreds of thousands. '''Congress Man #2: '''God, help us all. ''"EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT..." 'Announcer: '''Everything was perfect...terrorists are at a airport except... ''#2 looks at the airline schedules, which suddenly changes into CPT '''Terrorist #1: '''What? What is this "CPT"? '''Jamiqua (Mo'Nique): '''That means the plane is gonna get here when it gets here. '''Announcer: ''jokingly'' '''They've pick the wrong airline! '''Jamiqua (Mo'Nique): ''annoyed And don't come up here, complaining this shit. You mothafuckas want to come up here and act a goddamn fool. ''away ''I'm about to go on break. You motherfucking terrorists kill me. '''Announcer: 'the title screen. ''Soul Plane 2: The Blackjacking! ''changes to the sercurity scanner, where a man is looking through at the luggage through an x-ray ''Come see why black incompence... ''woman passes by, temporarily distracting the worker, letting miscellaneous weapons go through the scanner. i''is our funniest weapon on the War on Terror! '''Airline Worker #1:' serious We can't let you though, homie! Aye, this Osama Bin Laden's nephew, nigga! Terrorist #2: ''distraught I-I-I'm once removed and I-I-I- '''Airline Worker #1: 'laughing '' I'm just fucking with you, dawg! Go ahead, nigga! '''Granddad: '''What's wrong with you? '''Huey: '''I don't want to go to the movie. '''Granddad: '''Why not? '''Huey: '''I don't ever want to go to the movies with you again. Not after what happened last time. '''Granddad: '''What happened last time? '''Huey: '''We got arrested and shot at. '''Granddad: '''Ah, racism. '''Jazmine: '''Daddy said I can to go the movies, but he said I'm not allowed to see "Soul Plane". '''Huey: '''Good. You don't want to go to the movies with him. He's crazy. '''Granddad: '''Hush! Can't see "Soul Plane"? Why, little baby? '''Jazmine: '''Because of the types of stereos, or something. '''Granddad: '''Types of stereos? Oh, no, no, no, little baby doll. This is a good theater. They have THX. '''Huey: '''He means "stereotypes". '''Granddad: '''Stereotypes? In "Soul Plane"? That's nonsense! Say, how 'bout we tell your daddy that we saw something else. Hmm? '''Jazmine: 'shocked ''You mean, lie? '''Huey: '''That really doesn't seem to be a good idea. '''Granddad: '''Hush, boy! You know, it's okay to break the rules every once in a while. I won't tell if you won't. '''Jazmine: '''Okay. '''Huey (voice-over)'': '''Sometimes, I think Granddad may be a bad influence. '''Granddad: '''Riley, don't forget the camcorder. '''Granddad: '''Now, the first "Soul Plane" was funny. '''Huey: '''About as funny as a lynching. '''Granddad: '''Oh, hush, boy. You ain't even see it. '''Huey: '''I've never seen a lynching either, but I know they're not funny. '''Granddad: '''See? Shows what you know. I've seen funny lynchings. '''Huey: '''No, you haven't. '''Granddad: '''I have so. Roscoe Patterson's lynching was funny. to the past, '''Huey: '''Robert Jebediah Freeman had sworn a lifetime intifada against the movie theater industry for exorbitant prices and poor customer services, which, interestingly enough, did not stop him from going to see movies. '''Huey: '''I understand you need your job, but you're still a human being with dignity. '''Usher: '''Yeah, I mean, look at this uniform, man. I look like a fucking dork. Why would they make me dress like this? What did I do to them, huh? '''Granddad: '''Damn! Large freshly popped popcorn, please. And lots of butter. '''Receptionist: '''Anything else? '''Granddad: '''I asked for butter on it. '''Receptionist: '''Butter's over there. '''Granddad: '''I don't want to put the butter on it. Why can't you do it? '''Receptionist: '''You're supposed to put the butter on it. '''Granddad: '''I don't want to put the butter on it. I already paid $20 for this bullshit popcorn. I will not demean myself by putting butter on popcorn. '''Receptionist: '''Why? It's really easy. '''Granddad: '''Why? Because I don't work at the movie theater! That's why! '''Receptionist: '''You're supposed to put the butter on it. '''Granddad: '''If I go to Burger King and order a cheeseburger, they don't make you put the cheese on it. Do they, goddamn it?! '''Ruckus: '''I see, I see. Just 'cause you're skin's light, bright, and two shades from being white, you think you're too good to butter your own popcorn? Well, you're wrong, Lando Calrissian. '''Granddad: '''Damn it, Ruckus. You have to put some butter on this popcorn. '''Stuntman: '''We put our lives on the line every day to make movies. And then people come along and steal all that hard work. Who would do something like that? A terrible, awful human being that no one will ever love. That's who. '''Jazmine: '''I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman. '''Riley: '''Boo! Hey, get to the flick! '''Granddad: '''What happened to the movies? Y'all should be ashamed! Why is it when I order a soda pop, I get a empty cup? I didn't order a empty cup! I ordered a soda pop! And what asshole started putting commercials in movies? I can see commercials at home on TV! And the bathrooms stink! Clean the fucking bathrooms! I'm not gonna take it anymore! I paid too much damn money for these movie tickets to butter my own motherfucking popcorn! It's only popcorn! '''Ruckus: '''When did you get here? '''Granddad: '''Huh? '''Ruckus: '''Well, I've been at the ticket window all day long and I don't remember you buying no ticket, Robert Freeman. '''Granddad: '''I got my tickets online. '''Ruckus: '''Aha! A damn lie! I ain't never met a nigger smart enough to use a personal computer. Not even a Macintosh. [[Category:Transcript]